Official Website

Director: M. Night Shyamalan

Writer: M. Night Shyamalan

Runtime: 91 min

Main Cast:

• Mark Wahlberg as Elliot Moore
• Zooey Deschanel as Alma Moore
• John Leguizamo as Julian

Review: by The Superior Spider-Sam

What I Liked:

….it’s a movie. Something Happens.

It’s not as bad as The Last Airbender

What I Didn’t Like:

It was written by M Night Shyamalan post Sixth Sense

It was directed by M Night Shyamalan post Sixth Sense

It was co-produced by M Night Shyamalan post Sixth Sense

The Acting- Terrible

The Plot- Horrible

The Pacing- Atrocious

The Characters- Beyond Traditional “movie tupid”

The Classic M Night Twist- Non Existent

This is gonna be a 1 out of 5 (Anthony won’t let me do zero or go negative), so please trust me DO NOT WATCH IT. I say that in case you are in a hurry and don’t want to read a review of a universally bad movie- I think as of Oct 2015 its at like 18% on rotten tomatoes. But if you want a Superior look into why this movie was just so awful, please continue.

Let’s start with a big problem- the plot. This movie is about some thing that happens. The movie will not let you forget this fact either, the word “happening” is said more times that the word “Jurassic” in all 4 movies combined. So, people have started committing suicide for no apparent reason, but rather than let that sit, the big twist is told to us kind of early- its plants. Effing Plants. For some reason the plants of planet Earth are angry at us homo sapiens so they have begun attacking. This leads Marky Mark to try and get his family out of the city to safety – his family including his wife played by Zooey Deschanel  (so disappointing she was in this). So this leads us to the central theme of the movie- Marky Mark has to get his wife and his best friend’s daughterout of Philadelphia alive and get to the safety of another city…because I guess in this world plants only exist in one place.

Now, the idea of plants attacking isn’t all bad I guess, but the presentation here was just ridiculous. We literally had grown adults being terrified when the wind blows because the plants somehow send the suicide signal though the wind…I guess? I honestly don’t even know wtf the deal was with the way plants were killing ppl. If it was explained it was done terribly (like everything else in this movie). Don’t bother asking why this was occurring either- that isn’t explained. What we do know is that for some reason the “wind attack” only affects larger groups of people so the brilliant idea to split up is formed.

I’ll come back to this ridiculous plot in a moment but I must speak on the characters- they were terrible. I mean dear lord, only this movie could make you hate normal people. I mean here wasn’t an a-hole, or a drunk, or a dude who was overly rebellious. Marky Mark was a high school science teacher who lived a middle class life. His wife was…well, I don’t know. But his best friend’s daughter….well I don’t know much about her either. Hm? You know what- we DIDN’T learn anything character building about these people. I mean the cast of that horrific Fast and Furious movie had more personality written into them- and those dummies drive cars off of buildings.  Seriously, there is nothing to like or support about these people because we don’t really know anything about them that should have us invested in their well being. As far as we are concerned they are just another family caught up in “The Wind Blowing.”

I’m basically hate writing at this point so let me get to final straw. We were told to believe that the plants’ wind attacks only targeted large groups of people. All of a sudden, out of nowhere an old woman who offered our protagonists refuge kills herself. Just like that. No warning other than the wind blowing some plants and veggies through the air- now all of a sudden the plants target individuals. Then, out of places to run and with no more shelter to hid in, just as the wind attack hits our protagonists….nothing happens.  Nothing happens… in the movie called “The happening.”  Marky mark and his family just walk outside and everything is normal. There is no attempted suicide, just the sun shining- I guess maybe that is the M Night Twist of this movie.  Screw you, M Night Shyamalan.  

There is a part at the end which suggests that the plant attacks moved to Europe, but if I speak on it more I will just go into a rant.

Images Courtesy of IMDB